Amber, a native of New York, recounts her journey from a culturally Jewish but non-religious upbringing in the suburbs to a period of deep sadness and isolation in her twenties and thirties, despite outward success. Unfulfilled by material possessions, she decides to explore spirituality, embarking on a unique path that involves Airbnb-ing her apartment and living in a van on an ashram.

During this time, Amber begins to identify the seeds of sadness and happiness, delving into yoga and spending time on the ashram. Seeking more profound connections, she moves from chaotic Manhattan to peaceful Brooklyn. Her life takes an unexpected turn when she accompanies a friend to a monastery in Woodstock, where she unwittingly takes refuge in a Buddhist ceremony, marking the beginning of her Buddhist journey.

Amber’s transformative experiences continue as she attends retreats, encounters her first teacher, Kemper Tanjung Kampo ten, and embraces the practice of meditation. Despite initial awkwardness, she discovers the diverse ways of meditation and walking meditation, finding a deep resonance with the teachings of the Karmakar lineage.

Her journey unfolds further during a New Year’s retreat, where she realizes her unintentional transition into Buddhism. Amber reflects on the joy and openness of her first teacher, who played a pivotal role in her quick assimilation of Buddhist principles. Despite feeling like an accidental Buddhist, she finds comfort in understanding her identity and belonging within a community that shares her beliefs.

Reflecting on the significance of teachers in her life, Amber shares her journey of seeking spiritual guidance before realizing her connection to Buddhism. She emphasizes the importance of viewing teachers as spiritual friends, avoiding pedestals or enmity, and cultivating equanimity. Amber credits her first teacher, Kembo Tanjung Kampo ten, for taking teachings beyond the shrine room and integrating them into daily life.

Amber highlights the grounded nature of Tibetan teachings, appreciating the accessibility of monks and llamas who sit on the ground during instruction. She describes her acceptance of Kembo as her teacher, acknowledging the transformation in her personal relationships and understanding of teachings being everywhere.

Having the privilege of photographing great masters, Amber sees it as an added layer of access to their teachings. She shares the joy of being in the presence of these masters, emphasizing the transmission of teachings through openness. Amber recounts how she relishes ordinary moments with teachers, such as shared meals and Momo meditation, recognizing the profound shift in her life since moving closer to nature and the monastery.

Amidst the scientific backdrop of her work in Alzheimer’s research, Amber contrasts science as a manipulation of nature with Dharma as an observation and harmonious working with nature. She views Dharma as the big picture, with scientific methods being just one small part of it. Amber expresses her understanding of teachers as multifaceted, acknowledging the impermanence and diverse forms they may take.

Amber shares a glimpse into the deeper aspects of her spiritual journey, revealing insights gained through the teachings and the profound support provided by Dharma during moments of adversity. This newfound perspective has solidified her sense of belonging and connection to her chosen path.

Reflecting on her transformative journey with Buddhism and Dharma, Amber underscores the profound impact these philosophies have had on her interpersonal connections. She credits her understanding of compassion and interdependence for enabling her to cease blaming others and foster empathy for their struggles. Growing up in a culture of individualism, Amber found solace in the collaborative nature of Sangha, realizing that a solitary practice can coexist with collective energy.

Amber narrates her evolving perception of solitude and community, encountering monastics who live contentedly without romantic relationships. Exploring meditation techniques like tonglen, she highlights the practice of sending out positive energy and taking in suffering, emphasizing the interconnectedness with others. This shift in perspective allows her to find purpose in her own suffering and extend compassion to others.

The geographical change from Brooklyn to Woodstock, bringing her closer to the monastery, becomes a metaphor for her internal transformation. Nature, once distant, becomes a vital part of her practice, and she recognizes the importance of aligning her surroundings with her spiritual journey. The move signifies her understanding of karma as responsibility, not blame, and the ability to shape her environment.

Amber delves into the impact of chanting and Puja on her spiritual growth, initially struggling but eventually finding joy and connection in these practices. The communal aspect of chanting and making offerings becomes a source of profound connection, contrasting with her previous cultural experiences. Through Buddhism, she embraces a lens of responsibility, acknowledging her karma and utilizing it as fuel for devotion and practice.

Amber describes the profound connection she feels to the Sangha and the timeless practice of Buddhism, emphasizing the unbroken lineage of teachings passed down through generations. The act of making offerings becomes a transformative experience, fostering gratitude and shifting her mindset from scarcity to abundance.

As she reflects on her privileged upbringing, Amber recognizes her duty to give and serve, expressing a commitment to living with compassion and serving as an example. Chanting brings her a joy that was previously absent, making her appreciate the singular focus and purpose it provides. Her ongoing practice embodies a beginner’s mind, rooted in the joy of the practice itself, irrespective of the need for an external purpose. Amber hopes to preserve this perspective, maintaining a lifelong commitment to her spiritual journey.

Amber reflects on the complex dynamics of the teacher-student relationship in the Western context, acknowledging the potential pitfalls and unique challenges that arise when integrating Eastern traditions. She notes the messiness of this convergence as an integral aspect of authentic dharma practice, urging a collective effort to address and navigate these challenges.

Expressing concern over the prevalence of scandals, particularly those of a sexual nature, Amber emphasizes that the core issue is the abuse of power rather than the specific nature of the transgressions. She highlights the absence of external laws governing monastic settings, emphasizing the need for individuals to define their own expectations within these relationships.

Amber delves into the cultural clash between Western practitioners and Eastern llamas, recognizing the different perspectives each group brings. She notes the potential for misunderstanding and conflict, especially when the reverence for llamas is juxtaposed with Western cultural norms. The act of chanting and praising figures can lead to confusion when faced with the human reality of these revered individuals.

Drawing from her own experience with Karmapa, Amber emphasizes the importance of seeing teachers as extraordinary humans rather than infallible deities. She acknowledges the vulnerability and openness of the teachers and urges practitioners to find equanimity, avoiding the trap of placing teachers on pedestals. Amber notes the role of teachers in guiding students toward a balanced perspective, even if it involves making mistakes that reveal their humanity.

Amber reflects on the tendency for practitioners to unquestioningly follow teachers’ instructions, even to the detriment of their well-being. She advocates for the creation of individualized practices rather than mere imitation, encouraging practitioners to find their own path within the teachings.

Having observed the fallibility of venerated lamas in Woodstock, Amber emphasizes the importance of recognizing their humanity and extending compassion to them. She shares an anecdote of a Lama who openly admitted to being a “failed monk,” viewing his honesty as a relatable and valuable quality. Amber encourages the concept of spiritual friendship, where practitioners contribute to the mutual understanding between Western and Eastern perspectives.

In closing, Amber stresses the significance of finding true masters or teachers who embody relatability and honesty. She underscores the unique role teachers play in guiding individuals on a personalized spiritual journey, asserting that while books and knowledge are essential, the guidance of a teacher is irreplaceable in the transformative process.

Reflecting on her transformative journey with Buddhism and Dharma, Amber underscores the profound impact these philosophies have had on her interpersonal connections. She credits her understanding of compassion and interdependence for enabling her to cease blaming others and foster empathy for their struggles. Growing up in a culture of individualism, Amber found solace in the collaborative nature of Sangha, realizing that a solitary practice can coexist with collective energy.

Amber narrates her evolving perception of solitude and community, encountering monastics who live contentedly without romantic relationships. Exploring meditation techniques like tonglen, she highlights the practice of sending out positive energy and taking in suffering, emphasizing the interconnectedness with others. This shift in perspective allows her to find purpose in her own suffering and extend compassion to others.

The geographical change from Brooklyn to Woodstock, bringing her closer to the monastery, becomes a metaphor for her internal transformation. Nature, once distant, becomes a vital part of her practice, and she recognizes the importance of aligning her surroundings with her spiritual journey. The move signifies her understanding of karma as responsibility, not blame, and the ability to shape her environment.

Amber delves into the impact of chanting and Puja on her spiritual growth, initially struggling but eventually finding joy and connection in these practices. The communal aspect of chanting and making offerings becomes a source of profound connection, contrasting with her previous cultural experiences. Through Buddhism, she embraces a lens of responsibility, acknowledging her karma and utilizing it as fuel for devotion and practice.

Amber describes the profound connection she feels to the Sangha and the timeless practice of Buddhism, emphasizing the unbroken lineage of teachings passed down through generations. The act of making offerings becomes a transformative experience, fostering gratitude and shifting her mindset from scarcity to abundance.

As she reflects on her privileged upbringing, Amber recognizes her duty to give and serve, expressing a commitment to living with compassion and serving as an example. Chanting brings her a joy that was previously absent, making her appreciate the singular focus and purpose it provides. Her ongoing practice embodies a beginner’s mind, rooted in the joy of the practice itself, irrespective of the need for an external purpose. Amber hopes to preserve this perspective, maintaining a lifelong commitment to her spiritual journey.

Amber explores the concept of devotion and worship in Buddhism, noting its departure from traditional notions. She highlights the unique nature of worship in Buddhism, emphasizing that it doesn’t involve placing oneself below the deity but aims to dissolve the ego. Amber discusses the practice of Tara dancing and how it allows practitioners to bring the enlightened being closer, breaking down the barriers between the self and the deity.

In her explanation, Amber articulates the challenge of relating to the visualization process and how the dance, accompanied by music, facilitates a natural connection with Tara. She clarifies that the intent is not worship but an understanding of Tara’s unconditional love and the dissolution of the ego.

Amber reflects on the symbolism within Tibetan artwork, particularly the representation of wrathful deities like Mahakala. She relates her attraction to Mahakala to her own experiences of being caught in sarcasm and sadness. Amber describes the process of seeing these deities as aspects of herself that can be tamed through practice, discipline, and self-reflection.

Drawing parallels with Guru Yoga, Amber introduces the idea of bringing the deity inside oneself. She explains how visualizing the deity as an exaggerated aspect of oneself allows for the taming and integration of those qualities. Amber acknowledges her novice understanding of Guru Yoga but emphasizes the practice’s fundamental aspect of recognizing and working with aspects of the self that seem wild, outrageous, or inhuman.

Amber reflects on the various challenges people face when approaching Dharma practice, acknowledging the Western mindset’s influence with its emphasis on proof and a binary approach. She advocates for finding the middle road and cultivating equanimity, emphasizing that discipline is freedom and a means to embrace one’s wildness while getting things done.

Addressing the perceived barriers to entry, Amber discusses the misconception of having to dedicate extensive time to practice. She encourages a shift from all-or-nothing thinking, suggesting a pragmatic approach to experiencing Dharma benefits. Amber invites individuals to undertake a week of Dharma practice, tracking its impact on their minds and lives.

Drawing from her personal journey, Amber recounts her transition from a city environment to a monastery, highlighting the profound and quick transformation she experienced. She challenges the resistance to sitting with one’s misery and underscores the importance of patiently observing the practice’s effects.

Amber advocates for moving away from binary thinking and adopting a more exploratory mindset. She suggests experimenting with Dharma, assessing its impact honestly, and abandoning preconceived notions about immediate enlightenment. She shares her own journey of consciously entering Dharma and finding joy in the discipline, encouraging others to immerse themselves in transformative experiences such as retreats or trips to supportive places.

In summary, Amber urges individuals to transcend perceived barriers, embrace the discomfort, and immerse themselves in Dharma practice to discover its transformative potential. She emphasizes that the obstacles are often not about time or money but are mental constructs that can be overcome with a genuine and adventurous approach.

Amber reflects on her struggles with personal relationships before embracing Buddhism, expressing the difficulty she faced in understanding herself and her role in the world without a framework. She shares the challenges of a hidden 16-year relationship that was emotionally consuming and painful. The attachment and idealized notions of love caused significant suffering, leaving her devastated.

With the introduction of Dharma into her life, Amber starts viewing her past relationships through the lens of karma, questioning whether the connections were positive, negative, or neutral. She recognizes that Dharma helps dissolve the rigid and limiting ideas about love, encouraging a more expansive and compassionate perspective.

Amber describes how the monastery provided a practical excuse to move away from the city, helping her emotionally extricate herself from the previous relationship. She discusses the transformation in her understanding of love through Dharma, emphasizing the importance of relaxation and expansiveness. The dissolution of the notion of a one true love and the recognition of shared past connections with all beings liberate Amber from the constraints of attachment.

Although Amber acknowledges the ongoing challenges in her current relationship, she expresses a shift in approach, moving away from the myopic focus on one person towards a more open and expansive understanding of love. Despite the difficulties, she sees potential for connection and growth in her current relationship, guided by the principles of Dharma.

Amber recounts her introduction to Tara dance through meeting Premiere and engaging in a unique dance experience. Initially unfamiliar with Tara and Dharma practices, she found herself amidst a gathering of around 50 or 60 people dancing in a courtyard, including Taras, llamas, and fellow Dharma practitioners. Despite her lack of knowledge about Tara dance, Amber, who had a background in creative expression through dance since childhood, embraced the practice.

Tara dance, according to Amber, combines body, speech, and mind in a seamless way that aligns with Tibetan teachings on these aspects. She highlights the transformative power of the dance, describing it as a moving meditation, gentle in its movements yet capable of making profound connections. The practice brings together various elements like visualization, chanting, singing, and yoga, offering a holistic experience.

Amber reflects on the significance of dance in daily life, emphasizing that it is not confined to formal practice but is a universal expression found in celebrations, religious ceremonies, and personal joy. She underscores the joy and neuroplasticity benefits derived from dance, suggesting that it can contribute to changing the brain’s connections and emitting light, aligning with the concept of beings as vessels of light.

Amber also discusses the impact of COVID-19 on Dharma practices, specifically Tara dance, and how virtual platforms like Zoom have allowed for a more inclusive and accessible approach. Despite initial resistance to virtual teachings, she sees the positive evolution of the practice, breaking down barriers and reaching a wider audience. Amber expresses her hope that this newfound inclusivity continues beyond the pandemic.

In addition to the benefits of dance, Amber explores the profound impact of Tara dance in fostering a sense of community, breaking down gender barriers, and offering a unique way to connect with the divine feminine. She relates her personal experience of finding a role model in Tara, the only female representation she consciously emulated, and aspires to embody Tara’s qualities, such as being a being filled with light.

Overall, Amber describes Tara dance as a powerful and transformative practice that goes beyond physical movement, providing a platform for self-discovery, joy, and a connection to the divine feminine.

Amber expresses her profound love for yoga, initially viewing it as a physical practice focusing on asanas, which she had unknowingly learned as a child. Starting her yoga journey at the YMCA in Chicago, she benefited from an older black woman’s teachings in a non-traditional setting. The circular practice fostered equanimity, and the teacher’s open-hearted approach left a lasting impression.

Her perspective shifted when she encountered a unique yoga class led by a teacher named Jed in New York City. Chanting throughout the class and encouraging practitioners to close their eyes, Jed introduced her to the vibrational and internal aspects of yoga, moving beyond mere exercise. This experience marked the beginning of her understanding that yoga could be something more spiritual and transformative.

Amber’s yoga journey took a deeper turn when she faced personal challenges and found solace in a monastery. Introduced to Himalayan Yoga by Kembo, she discovered a more pragmatic approach that connected her yoga practice to the surrounding nature, influencing her way of living. Kembo’s unconventional teachings challenged traditional notions of yoga, urging practitioners to break free from preconceived ideas.

Amber’s path to becoming a yoga teacher unfolded unexpectedly. Kembo insisted that she undergo yoga teacher training and start teaching. Initially resistant due to her humility and reluctance to embrace a teaching role, Amber eventually embraced it, seeing it as a form of service and sharing. This shift marked a transformation in her understanding of yoga from a physical practice to a holistic approach involving teaching, sharing, and serving.

As her yoga practice evolved, Amber integrated it with Dharma, leading retreats at the monastery for Dharma practitioners. Yoga became a transformative tool that allowed her to accept herself as a teacher and leader. The merging of yoga and Dharma underscored the interconnectedness of these practices, challenging the segmentation often imposed on them.

Amber reflects on the potential pitfalls of powerful yoga practices leading to ego inflation and acknowledges that dissolving the ego is a crucial step toward enlightenment. She emphasizes the importance of having a teacher to guide practitioners through powerful practices, preventing them from straying in the wrong direction.

Overall, Amber’s journey with yoga spans physical, spiritual, and transformative dimensions, illustrating the interconnectedness of yoga and its potential to dissolve ego barriers and reveal one’s true self.